a year later...

a year later December 2010...one last procedure coming up on Thursday. Finally all healed up to do this last part.
  I will be glad to have everything done and over with.  Except for the quarterly Dr visits, checking for cancer markers in my blood.  Life is a little different, but am so very fortunate and blessed to have good health.
At this Christmas season, missing my out of town kids, but feeling so very blessed.   Thank you Jesus for Life  :)

After Surgery again....

Wow, can't believe it has been 19 days since surgery.....the pain, the process is already starting to fade from my memory...or else the anesthetic has helped, haha.   Surgery was outpatient, couple hours, home to my beloved couch.  It was a different kind of pain this time....surgery pain, not intense muscle stretching screaming kind of pain.  The best part was over my 2 week recoupment time I knew that the pain only was going to get less and less.  One week after surgery I went back to the Dr, wearing a bandeau bra type thing to help the implants be pulled down.  He said every thing looked good...to still wear the contraption...until I see him again the first of January. bummer...was hoping to shed this thing before leaving for KC.  He asked about going back to work and when i wanted to go back.....I said "January?"   He said "what do you do again?"  i hesitantly said "siiiit at a desk all day" sheepishly...He said he really couldn't write me off that long ,:)  so we decided on Dec 15th.  So this week i went back to work, wasn't too bad, worked 8-9 hrs a day.  Only working 2 days next week then going to KC for 10 days!!  Can't wait.   Tried to sleep in the bed last night...didn't work. That is the worst thing..have to still sleep sitting upright....will be glad to shed all reminders of the surgeries and get back to normal........... (getting back to normal??? next post)

Switched Out

That is the term for the next procedure...the Dr says "so next week is when you are getting switched out"  I said, yep!!  The nurse said I will miss coming in every week, well not exactly...the nurses are so very sweet BUT I will not miss the pain inflicted upon my body.  Every time is different...my shoulder down into my arm is killing me this time, hot bath didn't touch it, vicodin....mostly, heating pad all night, waiting for more vicodin.  What a journey....short in some ways, very long in others.  I only work one more day before surgery, then can concentrate on recouping, getting well, gaining strength for our trip to Kansas City.  We are so looking forward to that time away.  
Am very thankful for all the friends and family in my life, for good godly kids, for the two most amazing grandkids in the world, and a man who loves me through all of this.  I am truly blessed.

Light at the end of the tunnel...

No, not THE LIGHT...as in "it is so beautiful"  but that this part of the journey is almost over....
One more expansion treatment next week, then surgery on Dec. 1st.   Always be wary of a doctor who says "you will probably have some discomfort".....translated means "It is gonna hurt like hell".

"Whenever God Closes One Door He Always

 Opens Another , Even Though

Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway" 

This has been a painful journey, but one I am glad I took.  I have had to miss more work than I thought the last couple of weeks.  Today the Dr. asked how I was doing, and if I noticed any difference...I said, "Yes, tighter and harder"...He said "Yep, it is gonna get tighter and harder in the next two weeks!"   My only concern is getting a uniboob.  Yes I have seen pictures...where your muscle must come loose from your sternum and you loose the valley...and it becomes a uniboob.  (I won't grace you with a picture of that, LOL)  I am sure they could fix it during surgery...it sure feels like it could rip off the sternum...the muscles are screaming for it to stop.  I have been able to control some of the back/shoulder pain with hot baths and constantly being on the heating pad.   So you see why I am looking toward the light, have heard when they take the expanders out the pain leaves immediately,really  looking forward to that! God has been my constant source of strength in this hallway of life, my hubby so helpful and thoughtful...I don't know what I would do without him.  

Love that man....  let's grow old together.  :)

Pain for beauty?

These last few weeks of expansion have been rough.  My week revolves around my Thursday appointment, working 9-10 hrs Mon -Wed, feeling pretty good by Thursday, starting the cycle all over again.... I have worked it so far that I only have to work 3 hrs on Friday.  3 very long hours, Thursday nights there is not much sleep. If I can get to sleep I wake up 1 hr before time for vicadin....waiting waiting...take vicadin...waiting..waiting...for it to kick in so i can go back to sleep.  I sleep 2 hrs out of every 4 if i am fortunate...then quit taking vicadin so i can go to work...pain, pain, work, back home to vicadin on Friday.  sigh.....
This too shall pass, the Surgeon said .."your fall will be heck, but you should be pretty good by Christmas"  I don't want to wish my life away but I am so ready for the surgery on Dec. 1st.  A couple weeks off of work, and I have heard that the pain with the expanders is gone when the surgery to put the implants in is done.  Thank You Jesus.  It is beautiful outside today, sunny, breezy...even warm.  I am on the couch wishing i felt like taking a walk. But thankful that I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel....God has been so ever present, faithful and true.
Micah and the Exodus Cry team is in Thailand, Benji & Matt are sick.  I am praying that Micah & Steve will be spared this sickness, and that Matt & Benji be healed and feel much better today.  The enemy works so hard to keep this crew from their task....God be their healer, protector, strong tower...strengthen them to shine Your Light in the dark places.

No Worries!!

Don't worry....this will be my only tattoo.  Not going for the old lady covered in tattoo look.
WHew, my mom says!!
You have to think that this lady was a wild woman though...she would look just like any other old lady with her long sleeves on.  :)

Wild Willie

Okay so Bethany was able to come home for just 2 days...got in at 5:30 am on Thursday...and left Saturday morning.  One of the big events was Tattoo Day....Leah, Bethany and I all got the word  "beloved" on our inside wrists...we had tried to do this after my diagnosis, but before the surgery, but the artist wouldn't do it- because of having cancer, upcoming treatment options, blah blah blah...we were all disappointed.  Which is a good thing because Joanne decided that she didn't want one.   It was a fun outing, quite interesting indeed!  Wild Willie did mine first, piece of cake....then Leah..who said it hurt more than I said it did...  She just is skin and bones I think, that is why it hurt for her.  Bethany had Eros...."the one they didn't trust, the reason they installed a video surveillance camera in their front room!"  We didn't tell her that until she was done with her tattoo!   I kept checking on her after I was done, but no worries mate...Bethany was preaching to Eros...she is an amazing kid. Leah and I were treated to all of Wild Willie's explanation of his tattoo's..  He said you shouldn't get a tattoo if it doesn't mean anything...
Why I had  beloved tattoed on my wrist.....first it is a reminder to me that I am my beloved's (.from Song Of Solomon..).how I have captivated his heart, and his desire is for me...it will be a daily reminder that I must seek Him and know him deeply from the heart, so I  truly can say, "I am my Beloved's"
and He is mine...
HE is my beloved and my friend, He is drawing me after Him, It is that simple...that Jesus wants to have a relationship that intimate with me to call me His beloved...and that I am in a place to call Him my beloved....
..................."and this will be a seal upon my arm as it is a seal upon my heart..for love is as strong as death."
and also it will be a symbol of my love for my husband.  I love him more than anything else on this planet...he truly loves me like his beloved...<3

Breast Appreciation Month

A friend of mine, Lisha shared this story:

One time when we were teenagers my sister, explained to someone that the little pink ribbons during October were for breast appreciation month. It took her a couple of minutes to realize her mistake. I still grin when I see little pink ribbons. 

Isn't that adorable?....I say appreciate them if you got them!

This however is a little too much.... but funny though.  Save the Ta Ta's!! Get your mammogram.

I don't like goodbyes...

Missing Kaitlyn and Micah already....back to KC they go.Micah wasn't feeling well, stomach problems. Hope he can get a nap in the car and feel better....long drive ahead of them, but pretty, no rain in forcast.

  Laundry, freezing some peppers, (thanks Julia) and maybe starting a painting today??  I finished this one last week for a girl at church.

I dreamed I started back to work...I was the only one there...worked a couple hours then realized I had come to work too early!!! and I forgot to clock in....and just wanted to go home!! sigh...2 weeks left to get ready for going back to work.

Tom has a couple Dr apt's today so will get to see him earlier than usual...maybe can get a walk in today. We ate too much this weekend!!  SO enjoyed spending so much time with family..I held Nathan a couple times, got him to go to sleep, played with Madi... had a birthday party (good food!)at Leah's house with all the Blosser's....boys/dad took their guns, were shooting in back of the property....got thrown off the property by an angry landlord , Leah got yelled/chewed/cursed out :(   ......(he later apologized)   probably won't have parties at her house again....sigh  

God does the healing...

and the doctors (and the pharmaceutical companies) get the fees.
Yesterday was my appointment with Dr. Bane, oncologist.  He is also Tom's doctor...who he sees for polycythemia vera which is an abnormal increase in the number of blood cells (primarily red blood cells) produced by the bone marrow.  He actually takes a form of chemo for it's side effects...slowing down the making of red blood cells.   So we were familiar with and trusted this doctor.
In the cancer world, size matters.  He stated that my cancer was stage 1 (smaller than .5cm, level 2 (aggressiveness rated 1-3) and hormone receptive, so all the treatment he recommended was to take a hormone blocker for 5 years (mainly because of the level 2) .....worst side effects, hot flashes, joint pains possible...I will still be seeing the Plastic surgeon once a week for the reconstruction process and another surgery in the future but feeling very thankful right now....no chemo :)   Which means I get to keep my hair...the girls said they wouldn't shave their heads to support me if I had to have chemo... but we have plans when Bethany comes home to all get tattoos together...we tried to do that in August when I found out that I had cancer...but they wouldn't do a tattoo because of my diagnosis and surgery/treatment.  Now...no cancer...no chemo!  Don't worry mom, it is not a huge tribal tattoo on my neck, boob wanna be or midriff...just a dainty word on my inner wrist  :)
Micah and Kaitlyn also came yesterday...so it was great to share this news with them.  It is good to see them again, and be able to spend time together.  We miss Bethany :(  

I finished another painting ..it is for a young girl at church who wanted one...it was fun to paint for her.  I have also started one for her sister. This one is actually one canvas, just painted to look like three.  I would love to have a huge room and paint huuuuuge canvas, the bigger the better!!     Maybe I will transform Micah's old room ??? 
I am enjoying the time off work, I have to pace my activity...or else I incur more swelling and soreness.... am looking forward to it becoming less and less.  Because tomorrow is expansion day again......

Inflation Day....LOL!!!

Okay so today was the first time that I was to receive injections in the expanders that were placed under my pectoral muscles during surgery...I asked the Dr. how often I had to do this...he replied , "Every week now...always on Thursday, it is Expansion Day"....I said" WHAT???  I thought you called it Inflation Day??"  He chuckled and said no he had never called it that.  HAHA  so I got the name wrong....but made the Dr chuckle :D.  He asked me if I was nervous...said no not really, figured it wasn't going to be any worse than anything else I had been through.  They used a magnet to find the port...inserted the needle and slooowwwwlllyy proceeded to add I don't know how many CC's of saline...not too bad...just pressure. Piece of cake.

The Pee Couch

So today I did my morning walk (over a mile) then made cranberry scones, washed dishes, exercised,visited with a friend, walked some more......now very tired, relaxing on my friend, the pee couch.
Leah said I need to explain the pee couch.   We have neighbors who throw good stuff out.  We have retrieved from their trash at the curb ...a TV, a coffee pot, a cd player with detachable speakers, a landscape pond...  we have made covert trips across the street to retrieve the goods before someone else picked them up. Or I made Micah do it.  :)   I finally called my neighbor and said "Please just call me if you have good stuff like that to get rid of!"  So she did one day, said she had a tan loveseat...has recliners in both seats and did I want it??    After checking it out Tom and his brother carried it across the street for me....it was heavy!!  but it smelled of urine....ewwww....so I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and deodorized, stuck fabric softener sheets in every crack of the cushions.....put it outside to air out...left it in the garage for awhile....finally it was worthy of being in my living room.....hence the name pee couch.  I was all set to get rid of it soon, but now it is my friend, it reclines almost flat in the second position....and it is so comfortable to sleep on (not Tom though he is tooooo long) so it may get to stay in my living room, after I am recouped enough to spend a whole night in my bed. 

Therapy

Therapy yesterday...going to Bayers Farm Market, pumpkins, mum, melon, peppers.....

TODAY'S therapy, making my famous fresh salsa:

Chop:
2 large tomatoes 

4 banana peppers

1 small jalapeno pepper

onion to taste (1/4 cup or more if you want)

Add:

1 can black beans, rinsed & drained (or another type of bean if you prefer)

fresh parsley

Mix this dressing and pour over the chopped vegetables:

1/8 c. apple cider vinegar

1/4 c lime juice

3 TBSLP olive oil

1 TBLSP sugar

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1 tsp cumin

dash of garlic powder.

Serve with tortilla chips.   I have also added avacodo, mango, corn and jicama...you can't mess this recipe up.

Our family loves it. ENJOY!!

Stereotactic Breast Biopsy

I wanted to go back again and explain what my experience was like with this biopsy, didn't really give any details earlier.  Just one of those so you know what your momma went through...now you know...and can ask questions if you want....

I of course looked it up on the internet...had heard of this awkward table that you laid on...I even asked my gynecologist the couple of days before I had the biopsy if they were still using the tables and he kinda chuckled and said "Yeah I heard they use those"  ....but no details.  Well the table was a high table you had to crawl up onto (using a stepstool)  you had to lay stomach down and it had a strategically placed hole so your breast could hang down.  They explained how they would compress the breast (mammogram) and find the best angle to insert the needle.  They numbed me a couple needle pricks...not too bad.  I had to lay with my face towards a big window...which they assured me no one could look into (construction workers...haha) but when laying down all i could see was the top of the trees.  They proceeded to compress and work under me...sounded like they were on a dolly...couldn't understand why they didn't raise the table so they could work more comfortably under me??

During stereo imaging, two-dimensional digital images of your breast are taken from two different angles. Both images are sent to a computer for image analysis. The computer compares the data from each image and calculates the three-dimensional location coordinates for your breast abnormality. which mine were calcification clusters.. With such precise information to guide the biopsy needle, the radiologist can accurately sample fluid or tissue.  I had a vacuum assisted biopsy (which may take eight or ten tissue samples) . Because they leave scars that can show up on mammograms and ultrasound, a tiny metal tag, clip, or marker was left at the biopsy site, it also helps radiology technicians locate the biopsy site for future use if needed.  They showed us the little marker, like $300 for the titanium speck they put in there.  I want to ask for a refund now...I am sure they can sterilize it and recycle the little thing.....

When i was undergoing this procedure it wasn't horrible, I was numb, just laying there...not too uncomfortable on the hard plastic rounded table...I was just laying there asking God for his presence to be with me and give me his peace....just about then one bird flew across the sky and landed in the tiptop of the tree.  There was no other activity in the sky.  It was a comfort...it reminded me of the Holy Spirit...then soon two other birds joined him...haha Okay I thought The Father, The Son AND the Holy Spirit!!!  wow God is amazing...such great peace....
afterward the technician and I got into a discussion on human trafficking and Costa Rica...i think she had been there recently is how we got on this discussion, so of course Micah i had to tell all about your adventures and explain the documentary  :)

It was amazing the peace that God gave me AND Tom during this whole whirlwind couple of weeks before surgery and after.  I remember after the biopsy it wasn't a peace like....you won't have cancer type of peace...but a peace like I will take care of you NO MATTER what may come your way kinda peace...which is even a better promise.  I can truthfully say that I didn't have any fear.....no fear, just His peace....what an amazing blessing that is, if you need it....ask Him for it ....He will give it to you... and keep your mind stayed on Him.

God IS good!!

Wow...what a great time in worship this morning....It is so awesome how we can come boldly right into the presence of God and be wrapped in his mercy and his love. Great message from Erika -who was a missionary in Russia (where Bethany went) wow, such humility and clarity from this young woman. We also got to see Bob & Raye Combs our good friends from Indiana.  Wouldn't have missed this day with friends.....

It was good to be able to get out of the house today, go out to eat and then return home to relax!!!  A rainy day....a good movie...curled up on the couch....yeah it has been a good day.    I can't believe it has only been 2 weeks since surgery day.  God has been so good,  God IS good!!

YEAH!

It is so much easier to take a shower without drain tubes.   :)

A Minor Road Bump

I have recieved that word from the Lord a couple times "this will be only a road bump" in your life from a couple different people.  Here is another word that someone gave me that really spoke to my heart...
"My beloved Susan, do not be afraid nor enter into these days ahead with fear or a sense of Trepidation. I will give you wisdom and direct your steps.  In the not-to-distant future you will look back at this time as absolutely supernatural and you will know your God has been with you.  Let me lead you, for surely I have gone before you to make a way even against impossible odds, says the Lord."
so you see why I haven't been worried...God has been truly with me, with us, His presence has enveloped us. He has given me His peace and He has directed our steps.   At the surgeon's yesterday he confirmed that there was no cancer in all the tissue they removed and sliced and diced....so the cancer that they found had all been removed by the biopsy, that is how small it was and how early it was!! Isn't that amazing?? he is sending me to an oncologist to get his expertise in the matter, but mentioned that I might not have to do any treatment..that would be amazing... 
I think of how fortunate I am ...how blessed I am..............and am humbled. 
It has been a truly supernatural time and God has been with us.

Double Dr. Day

Trying to get ready for my 2 surgeon's apts today...mostly it is about the clothes....trying to look normal.  What is that? trying to look like everybody else?? who cares....my husband says I look good the way I am. (love him <3)  I guess that is the dilemma in this in between stage, to stuff or not to stuff..that is the question. HA.  Boob shirts are definitely out...camisoles are really comfy....so i guess a cami with a button down shirt to hide the drains......WHICH are coming out today at approximately 4:30. Woo Hoo. THEN i will feel almost normal  :)

What not to ask a cancer patient...

Ok so feeling melancholy today for some reason....when you go through the cancer thing you learn what to NOT say when you have a friend who may have just found out they have cancer....for instance...
Do not ask what stage it is in......they may not know...at first when you find out you get little information, much is depended on how much you research yourself and ask questions. And you don't really know what questions to ask. Translated by  a cancer patient....how long do I have to live???
Do you have to have chemo???  Many things depend on whether you have chemo or not...what type of cancer you have, where you have it, if it is hormone receptive, whether you want to live longer or not.  First step is getting the cancer out....second step is checking elsewhere in your body...Third step is being proactive in making sure the cancer does not come back anywhere else in your body.    Translated by a cancer patient....they want to know if I am gonna lose my hair?
When people ask specific question it is awkward to give answers (family and close friends do not apply) please just ask how the person is doing...if they want to give you specifics they will, if they feel comfortable discussing details then you are fortunate to have their trust.  It is sensitive information, you feel totally violated anyway...sometimes you just don't want to explain everything to just anybody.
Cards are nice, calls are nice...food and visits are nice :)     Just knowing people are thinking about you and make a concerted effort to let you know is nice.
Onward and upward.....gonna tackle a closet or organize a drawer today maybe...

Blessed

I wanted to also thank my family for all they have done for me.  Thank you for the food that sits in my freezer Joanne and Leah...for all the hardwork and sacrifice that you two did on that meal blitz day. Thanks kids for calling me, chatting with me, doing errands, checking up on me.....
Most of all thanks to my hubby for loving me, taking me away...being there for me ...supporting me, laughing with me and being my strong support through all this...thanks for walking beside me on this journey.  God has been ever present, giving us His peace since the diagnosis of cancer...He is good, His mercy endures forever. I love you all. :)